New Day

Sunday was a rather interesting day. July 3rd I passed my road test, so I now have my license. June 20th, I was hired to work at a Dunkin Donuts and have been enjoying the pay and hours.

So with that background information, I can continue with Sunday's events. The usual mass at 11 am was nothing special, but afterwards I met up with one of my best friend's girlfriend. It was a little odd, but at the same time we don't really know each other that well, so it gave us a chance to 'bond' for lack of a better word. Note that my friend and this girl have been together for two years.

Well long story short, she has a matchmaking concept about her, and really wants to find me the 'right girl' for me, and hook me up with someone. So Sunday was spent shopping at the local mall and picking out some new clothes, shoes, and accessories for my new wardrobe. This came down to a couple pairs of shoes, about six shirts, three pairs of shorts, a straw fedora, and a hair cut to top it all off. It all came out really nice, though my hair is shorter than I would like it right now, but what can you do. I've learned that arguing with a girl is beyond hope, unless you know the exact right way to say no.

The test run with everything went well (I changed into some of the new stuff, and we went to some other places) and I got several compliments. I got home, and ended up changing again for work. While there I got to work with a great person who closes the store with no problem, and no hassling from my end. We both work to get the store ready to close, and don't have to check on what the other is doing. At one point he had asked me if I wanted him to hook me up with one of the regular customers there. Not sure why he felt the need to ask that, but it's the thought that counts, I guess.

Chillen' out and having fun;

J. Curtis

Days Gone By

So I have been having a mildly good time this past week. From working myself to near death and getting paid, to having good times with friends. I have recently passed my road test and gotten my drivers license, and my job is at a small Dunkin Donuts/Convenience store that I can walk to in minutes. Last Thursday (7/5) I had one of my infamous game nights, and enjoyed just about all of it. I had some small down points, but it's something that I get every now and then since my 3 concussions. Monday I got together with a couple of friends in order to talk and catch up on life happenings.

Now we talked about some issues we were having, and what has been going well for us.Tuesday I had work in the early morning, and slept most of the rest of the day away. Same for Wednesday, but those two days didn't pass by without me setting up a meeting with a young lady I met through a friend.

Yesterday was the day that we set up the meet for. I got her from her place, and we went to Panara Bread and Barnes and Noble for nearly 4 hours. We talked, laughed, read manga, and had a great time with each other. Just before we headed back to drop her off at home, we went into Pier 1 Imports and found several things that we both would like to have... though very expensive. Also, they were hiring, and she has been looking for a job, so who knows.

She's a great person, and I would like to get to know her better, but I'm torn between whether it's right to do so right now. Time will tell, and I won't burn the bridge. We've learned about each other and it makes me enjoy her company that much more, yet I am cautious. Maybe it's time for me to throw caution to the wind, and just go for it.

Debating reason;

J. Curtis

Wandering Soul

I have become apparent to some of my flaws as of late. I'm a coward, and thus cannot truly say how I feel or what is on my mind. As such I can freely admit that I have the hardest time talking to people, especially women that I like and/or find attractive. There are a few that I can talk to easier than others, but they are few and far between. One of my close friends says that I need to be more forward and step out of my comfort zone. I have no problem with accepting that, except that my personality is to be a "people pleaser" and therefore focus on the needs and wants of others over my own.

My roommate once asked me why I never try to get with some of the ladies I talk to in Oswego. The reason is a simple one. Yes, they are attractive, but there is nothing that could keep us together other than an initial euphoria of the idea. Some may call it being "picky," but I consider it a practical reason. Would you buy a dog because you want one, but know that you cannot take care of it? No, you would let it go to a home that can provide for it. To me, the women that I talk to in Oswego, are people that I cannot provide for in the ways that they need to be cared for.

Maybe I'm just making excuses. I honestly don't know anymore. I feel lost, a shadow of my former self. Confused on who I am as a person, and what I am becoming. I'm scared of where I may end up after everything that has happened to me over the last few years. My focus shifts like the flipping of a coin, and I can never hold on to just one thought. A few days ago, one of my recent thoughts was concerning relationships for me, and how I feel about people. As a people pleaser, It would make sense for me to never commit to just one person since I care deeply for so many. Yet logically, I could feel this way because I don't have an outlet for my more romantic side.

On more than one occasion I have gotten fed up with the life I live, and the area I live in. As such, if I could, I would pick up everything I own and just leave. Cut ties with all my friends, and even my family, and just disappear to whose knows where, and start fresh and hope for a better outcome. But can one truly pull that off? We see it all the time in t.v. shows and movies, but is it possible in the real world?

Again I say, I feel lost. Joy for me has lost its lasting effects, and I find myself in a cycle of rage and sadness. Jealousy has consumed me more than I care to openly admit. Jealousy of the many in relationships and happy, and jealousy against the boyfriends of the ones that I care for. Though I can say this has been a learning experience for me, and something that I need to go through.

With that; Stay cool and hydrated this summer:

J. Curtis